blah, blah, blah
come on you bhoys in green
I’m excited for life, the sun makes me so upbeat…I don’t trust it. I’m especially excited for tomorrow, after my babysitting shift tonight it’s good to know there’s something fun round the corner. I’m going into Paradise to get me Scottish cup semi final ticket and then to lunch and drinks with Joe, I don’t know if everything or nothing has changed so it’ll be good to catch up. And I’m working on Saturday, I like money so that’s not too bad. And I’m going to catch up on my sleepy times on Sunday then go for drinks with Jack on Monday as I’m off for the next two weeks. On Wednesday me and Paula are having a lads night out, we’re going to sing karaoke and drink horrid Polish vodka it never ends well for any witnesses but we think we’re brilliant, which is all that matters. All that doesn’t seem too thrilling but I’d much rather go for a few quiet drinks to catch up with people I care about and be so bad at the pub quiz that you get a packet of crisps than go”out out” with people I could live without.
Today I realised I’m a bit of a shit person. Everyone I text or even reach to the “seeing” stage just gets bored and stops contacting me. Well, most people. I’m terrible at making conversation that doesn’t just flow as I don’t see the point in forcing something that wouldn’t just happen and am a bit of a socially awkward penguin and sometimes forget to co-ordinate my eyes and face and body all at the same time but I suppose however much I sound like a 15 year old girl I guess it just wasn’t meant to happen. I’m just again becoming content with life as it is anyway, I don’t think distractions would be helpful to me stopping being a mentalist or anyone else that could be involved in me being mental. So I’m totally okay with being a bit shite in some people’s eyes, so long as the people I really care for don’t just decide that they’ve had enough of me, that’d just be rude.
An evening spent pretending that we’re just becoming friends,Or this goes any further than going back; I’m not being pessimistic, it’s just you and I were never meant to be.
I’m still not feeling too fantastic and people are expecting me to be nice and social and things I generally don’t have much a trouble doing. I just want a wee week off to nap for the first two days then catch up on everything I need to catch up on for the rest. Maybe even catch up with a few people too.
I was working with Craig last night so managed to catch up with him, even though I’ve phoned him at ridiculous times recently during various “crises” and he’s picked up sleepy but still willing to listen each time it’s still good to see him face to face.
I can’t seem to take any of his advice though, can’t seem to be able to have serious conversations though. I can’t tell people to slow .down. I hate how things move so qickly these days, it’s unfair on me and everyone invloved as it’ll never have a happy ending because I don’t know what I want or to expect from people. I don’t think I want to expect anything from people.
I do think I’m rambelling, though. I gotta stop moaning on this.
Six years ago one of the greatest footballers to have ever lived died.
Jimmy Johnstone was from Viewpark and lived only a few streets away from me and drank in the pub just behind my house so I’ve always known of the person rather than the footballer so can confidently say he is a great a great loss not only to the footballing community but also to my local community, he never used his fame to get anything in life or cashed his name in to get millions, which he could have done. He was just grateful of his chance to play for Glasgow Celtic, the team he adored. That’s the mentality footballers should have. I still remember the day it happened, I was in first year and my school was beside the church where his funeral was heard, I was in home economics first and all the huns in my class were making jokes about his passing, I’ve never been so disgusted in my life. I hated my school and classmates, they were all small minded morons. R.I.P Jinky, you’ll never walk alone.
Everytime I breath it feels like a Dark Rider is stabbing me in the chest, sad times all round. I’m also a total idiot and keep burning bridges and isolating people and just generally being a fool, I don’t even know how to rectify some things…
It’s so strange how one single sentence can change your entire opinion of someone, even if it was just an off-hand comment that wasn’t intended to be malicious. I really can’t help but feel like a fool now.
I feel like I’ve been repeatedly stabbed in the back, chest and stomach, which isn’t too pleasant. I hate being ill but at least it’s the weekend and I don’t have to and won’t be expected to do anything until Monday, silver lining, eh?
I’ve not been feeling well recently so have just been floating about to totally unaware of all going ons around me. Even more so than usual, that is. I feel so out the loop with everything but I don’t know whether that’s because I’ve not really been able to catch up with people or I because I no longer know where I stand with some people.
Knowing where I stand is always nice, especially when I know where I want to stand.
I’ve not seen Craig in about a month and even then the last time I seen him we weren’t really able to talk, I’m not used to seeing so little of him and I definitely don’t like it but I can’t seem to muster the energy to send him a text. I always go a wee bit mental when I’ve not been able to moan at him constantly…
